The funny things that happen between people

I do not understand people.

I like to think that I do. That I attempt to do so is paramount. But I still don't get it.

So, Tuesday night I go to the bar. My bar. Well, it is less my bar now than it used to be. Still, I have ties there and generally feel welcome. This is due almost entirely to a friend of mine who tends bar and serves there. Shortly after we met, we tried our hand at dating. And when I say that it was a mistake, I simply mean that the chemistry was not there. Not the right chemistry, anyways, and it was with a fairly mutual agreement on that fact that we placed the boundaries of our relationship squarely around "friendship."

This is almost two years ago. Recently, I met her new beau and he seemed a decent fellow. He builds bicycles. I saw this as fortunate coincidence as I am in the planning stages of doing just that. Tra la la.

Unfortunately, as it turns out, he is "the jealous type."

I don't know if he knows that I ever smooched his lady. What I do know is that I have a level of physical comfort with her - the kind that comes (and is so enjoyable) when you know as a solid fact that there will be no romantic entrigue to follow. Where so many male/female relationships are burdened with the constant uneasiness of sex, the possibility of sex, the thought of sex, et al, it is a pleasure to have people you can be close to without any of the fuss. And this chap observed me acting as such on Tuesday night.

My actions are not wrong. This is something I am very firm on. I however will allow that some people like the lines to be drawn a bit tighter - and it is my place to respect that. If I'd known, I would have. Hypotheticals are not much help to me now. Because as it stands, he is in a jealous rage against me. As I left the bar that night and commented on the new bike he had built, he proceeded to cut all ties with my acquaintance.

And I'm the one who feels bad.

I feel bad for my friend, who has at this point been inconvenienced by my actions. I feel a void of connection with this fellow because of the potent irrationality of his thinking. And I feel the sinking feeling I get every time I know there is nothing I can do to make a situation better.

I am not telling this story to you for you to act as a judge on propriety - because I found myself behaving with a vaguely similar irrationality last night.

I went to get a coffee with another friend. And on entering the establishment, the barista was on the phone. No problem. I was a barista. I have a great respect for the service industry and do not expect its workforce to abandon their humanity when on the clock. But without having words... something about the way he was on the phone immediately pissed me off. And when he spoke, I was more enraged. For no reason, I was sure that this person was an asshole. Do some people just give off asshole? Without even speaking?

I was courteous and he continued to emit this ass-vibe. We sat in the back. I drank my coffee. I went in for a refil. I look about for cream - it is after 10 and my coffee is more dessert than anything else - and I look to him silently as if to say "Where is the cream?"

He is talking to some girl. I'm not sure if they are flirting and they are planning on making out when he gets off work, if she is a friend come to see him or merely a regular customer. So we look at one another, and before I speak he says, "We're closed, man." He is bobbing his head slowly while he says this. Maybe twice up and down through the phrase. And the tone, was that of the most vacant and false apologies backed with the attitude that I am somehow making his life miserable by not knowing this intuitively and leaving quietly.

I could have punched him in the face.

I know what it is like to have people keep you at a job past closing. I am all for being told that I would do better to leave, so these workers can end their shift and enjoy their work-free lives. But there are ways to be told such things. There are manners that must be observed. As I respect him, so too do I demand respect. And this man had none. I am sure he is the kind of man who does not care if a sexual partner is enjoying his or herself. As long as he's taken care of, what could possibly be amiss.

The reason this sticks with me is that I can't explain it. Again, I am not wrong. But as my bartender friend's boyfriend could not control his reaction to my behavior - likewise I could not control my reaction to this man. And it bothers me. Because I want to accept people for their differences and understand situations and emotions that are not my own. But even if I can do that - and it is no certain thing - what if other people can't. Do I have to sink to their level? And can I let it not bother me that there is nothing I can do?

Thank you for reading.